Study: Killing kittens cuts cancer risk

Gentlemen, you may have heard that every time you pleasure yourself sexually, God kills a kitten. The guys from XXXChurch remind us of this reality -- based on the biblical story of Onan, whom God deemed wicked for "spilling his seed" so his brother's widow would not become pregnant -- in the PSA above.

What then to make of this report from the BBC that masturbation "may" cut cancer risks?

Men who ejaculated more than five times a week were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer later in life. ... Dr Giles said fewer ejaculations may mean the carcinogens build up.

"It's a prostatic stagnation hypothesis. The more you flush the ducts out, the less there is to hang around and damage the cells that line them."

A similar connection has been found between breast cancer and breastfeeding, where lactating appeared to "flush out" carcinogens, reduce a woman's risk of the disease, New Scientist reports.

Another theory put forward by the researchers is that ejaculation may induce prostate glands to mature fully, making them less susceptible to carcinogens.

To be sure, the next study on this topic will likely report auto-stimulation increases the risk of heart disease. Circumcision, for example, is a practice that, though conversely biblical, has been found to reduce the transmission of AIDS in Africa and to have little medical benefit; it depends on who performs the study.