A shiksa's quest to destory the Jewish community

Under his ominous moniker, Abitbol runs jewlicious.com. He lives in Israel and occasionally New York City, and has been known to enjoy a good shiksa here and there. Still, he was skeptical about assisting me in the noble and generations-old gentile pursuit of trying to land a Jewish husband. Good Jew that he is, Abitbol is concerned about the marriage crisis sweeping the nation, especially in New York City, and especially among Jews.

The first time I met Christ Killer, he said, "You look like you should be wearing furry heels, eating bonbons with two little dogs. In bed." In other words, Christ Killer, whose given name is David Abitbol, correctly identified me a shiksa: a Jesus-loving, non-Jewish woman whose Miller-Monroe fantasy currently poses the greatest threat to the chosen people.

"The community is all up in arms about it," he told me over hummus on St. Mark's. "Jews aren't getting married, or they're waiting until much later to get married. The majority of Jews under 40 have never been married, which is a new trend. When you talk to men and women in New York, they say that it's hard to find an appropriate Jewish mate. It's bad for the continuity of the Jewish community, because if people are not getting married and creating family units, the Jewish population will shrink. That threatens the continued viability of the community. You're already coming into a field that's got a lot of competition."

The marriage market is tough enough, but a shiksa looking for a Jewish husband is up against an entire culture rooting for her failure. Trimming the intermarriage rate is paramount to a number of associated Jewish federations that collect charitable donations and redistribute them as needed to Jews and non-Jews alike. Without a steady, generational replenishing of the culture, there would be no one for the federations to collect from. "What they're doing now is spending a lot of money on Jewish singles programs," Abitbol said. They will do anything in the world to get Jewish singles together and married."

Unfortunately, no such programs exist to help Jews marry shiksas, save for good old-fashioned female ingenuity—and, of course, the sage advice of Jewish friends and associates.

This tongue-in-cheek indulgence is from Radar. Ann Coulter should try a similar strategy. The story of the shrinking American Jewish community is an old one. It's most attributable to intermarriage, which Marc Gellman rehashes in Newsweek.

(Hat tip: Bintel Blog)